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The railway arches at Peckham Rye, overlooked by the waiting trains, are like huge spilled toyboxes. The trick of perspective is currently reinforced by the massive spotlights waiting outside an exhibition space: they look identical to the plug-in spots used in recessed domestic lighting, only magnified ten times.

Once your eyes adjust to this, you can see that the yard handling steel girders is no more than an unpacked box of Meccano. Looking down, everything else is stacks of building bricks, string, more and more toyboxes.

Suddenly I can’t remember which way round it works: are our toyboxes enthusiastic microcosms of the grown-up world, or are our factories and shops in the end wistful recreations of those idealised ones of our childhood?
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I’m waiting for the first appearance in a thriller plotline of predictive texting. My mobile phone learns words that I use frequently in SMS. A cleverly projected analysis could tell a great deal, albeit impressionistically, about the phone’s owner.

Oh, and another piece of inadvertant texting rhyme: ‘broken’ on the way to ‘apology’.

Some miniature delights.

The author of the hoax Betjeman letter mentioned below has identified himself, and to nobody’s great surprise, it was rival biographer Bevis Hillier. A literary banker if ever there was.

Football, which I don’t talk about much, but do follow, rarely offers up memorable lines. Savour then this from France manager Raymond Domenech on the increasingly irritating Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho:

He is the best coach in the world, he said so himself.

Finally, from Jared Diamond’s enthralling Guns, Germs and Steel, which for 378 pages has been patiently scientific and relentlessly prosaic, this moment of inadvertantly Carollian verse:

Most [plants domesticated in the Sohel zone of northern Africa] are still grown mainly just in Ethiopia and remain unknown to Amercians - including Ethiopia’s narcotic chat, its banana-like ensete, its oily noog

The oily noog goes right on the list of things that I must see.

You wait a long time for a really great news story, then two come along at once.

First, A.N. Wilson was been well and truly the victim of naughtiness in his biography of John Betjeman. Some helpful soul decided that the book would be a lot brighter if it included details of a previously unrecorded affair, and rattled off a Betjamenesque letter as evidence. Sadly, A.N. failed to spot that the letter was an acrostic, spelling out “A N Wilson is a shit”.

Wilson’s response is priceless:

“Of course I saw the funny side - I laughed about it a lot when I found out,” Wilson told the Guardian yesterday. “It is quite childish of somebody and I have absolutely no interest in who wrote it.”

A response notable for containing at least three untrue statements. If Wilson isn’t currently making evil signs over rival biographer Bevis Hillier’s friends and allies I’ll eat one of Betjeman’s old hats.

Second, madness multiplied in this clearly barking claim about Scientology developing superpowers. The joy here isn’t with the rather sad sounding fellow at the centre of the story, it’s with the (alleged) list of L. Ron Hubbard’s developable superpowers (”perceptics”), of which a quick sample:

Awareness of awareness
Personal size
Emotional state of other organs
Reality (self and others)
Awareness of importance, unimportance
Moisture (self)

The possibilities for a superhero with superperception of his own personal moisture are, er, intriguing.
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Having some fun

Rogue Semiotics (10 unread)

Posted: August 24th, 2006, 1:36pm EDT by Jon

I’m looking out the window right now at a little boy very patiently riding his tricycle up what is, in effect, a very flat concrete river bed. The wake of his trike in the shallow water behind him is daftly mesmerising. What fun.

Some other bits of fun to be had around these parts at the moment:

• Reverent worship of the simple rightness of Brio train sets (yes, I know they’re for ages three and over, but they are robustly well-made and notably dad-friendly)
• Take a look at what’s playing on American radio in real time
• How bored? Put it this way, I just implemented this unclutter your computer advice
• Web startup guide Techcrunch has just launched a UK-specific version, with luck helping to foster a bit more of a UK community for web companies

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New fast automatic Japanese greetings

Rogue Semiotics (10 unread)

Posted: August 18th, 2006, 12:13pm EDT by Jon

The most extraordinary little gadget is hidden away in Microsoft Word.

Go to ‘View’, ‘Toolbars’, ‘Customise’, and select ‘‘.

This gives you a fancy-dan little tooolbar that allows you to select a range of appropriate Japanese greetings, openings and closings to letters, with submenus for salutations and statements of appreciation (what nice people). Most special of all are the long lists of comments appropriate to the month.

After the summer we’ve had, I’m just imagining the British version for Japanese users:

• Hot, isn’t it?
• It’s just like the Mediterranean!
• We’re all sweltering here
• Hope you’re coping with the heat better than I am
• Phew!
• Normally I like the sun, but I can’t wait for the weather to break
• Do you have air conditioning?
• Can you sleep in this heat?
• We just had some rain here, at last
• It hasn’t stopped for days
• Nice weather for ducks
• I can’t believe the summer’s nearly over already